Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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