we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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