why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
