so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
