i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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