She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
