Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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