On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize