He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
