I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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