At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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