I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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