I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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