god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
