You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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