Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
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If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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