Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
