I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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