I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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