just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
