What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
