you guys were way drunker than both of me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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