I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
