I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize