hell yes lets make some ravioli
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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