terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
