I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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