So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
