After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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