I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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