I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
