I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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