I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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