oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
