all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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