Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
