good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
