Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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