you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
