Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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