I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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