Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
third nipple confirmed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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