Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
