Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize