just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This toilet bowl is my home.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
