no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
