I wanna bring you to show and tell
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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