glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
