Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more