turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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It's never too late to be topless.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems