she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.