my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.