bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.