You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
