FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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