I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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