Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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