hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
