My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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