Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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