You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
