the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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