She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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