I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
