I'm lost and stupid without you.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize