There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
