Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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