So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
